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Love Languages

Valentine's day is coming soon, and it's the day of love. I think it's a great idea to share something related to love: Love Languages. Have you heard about it before? It's not my idea. It's Gary Chapman's, but I'm excited to share it with you! I've shared it with people around me all this time, making sure they know about this amazing idea. And the exciting thing about love languages is, it's applicable not only for your life partner, but also for everyone around you, including your parents, friends, coullages, and every single one you know. I once wrote, "Life is always about love, but love is not about him or her all the time." So don't worry, whatever your status is right now, it can be fun for you too! Let's explore about love!

Okay. What's love languages? Basically there are five love languages, and one person has one dominant love language. The fun is in finding out the dominant love language in people you care about. Once you find it, bam, it's not that hard to please them, actually. For example, my love language is receiving gifts. Once you know I love to receive gifts, you know how to make me feel loved. Buy me gift instead of hugging me or trying to give sweet compliments. So fun, huh? Now, let's learn about all the five love languages! One of them must be yours, too!


Words of Affirmation
"This language uses words to affirm other people."

This is the love language for people who pay most attention from what you say to them. Give them compliments and say good things about them. They will keep your words in their mind all day. I teach teens class in church, and one of my students' love language is words of affirmation, so I often give him compliments about what he's good at to make sure he feels loved and appreciated around me. It's not that hard to please these kind of people if you have courage to say it. If you don't, maybe you can write it on letter or greeting card? I think that works too! I still believe that you better mean what you say, though. By the way, since these people care more about your words, I guess these people are also more sensitive when you criticize them or say something bad about them. So be careful what you say. It can be a great tool to please them, but it can also be a bad weapon to hurt them.


Receiving Gifts
"For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift."

This is my love language. People who are close with me definitely know this is my love language. People like me just love to receive gifts. Gifts make them happy. That's why people with this love language are also more likely to give gifts to others, because they think it can make other people happy. Don't get them wrong. It's not about being materialistic, but somehow gifts can show the giver's efforts and how much they care about. It's not about how much the price is or how cool the gift is, but it's more about the meaning. I believe there's meaning behind every gift people give to me, and that meaning is what we love the most from a gift.


Acts of Service
"For these people, actions speak louder than words."

I personally think the hardest people to please are those with this kind of love language, maybe because this is the one I have least in me. Acts of service mean that you help and do something for someone when it's actually not part of your role, but that person's role. For example, let's say your mom usually cooks in the kitchen for all of you. One day you decide to help her cook in the kitchen. Actually you don't have to do that because it's not your role. It's what your mom does, not you. However, your help is an act of service, and if your mom has this love language, she will be really feel loved. Personally I adore people who can practice this kind of love language well. While other languages just need you to say or buy something, this needs more efforts and time. If it's not something you do sincerely from heart, I don't think it's a simple thing to do (I don't know, maybe it's just me. Haha!)


Quality Time
"This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention."

Rick Warren once said, "Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back". You know, sometimes you hear people say, "You never make time for me! You're too busy with your own things!" It's more likely that their love language is quality time. All they want is for you to share your time with them, fully dedicated to them. You can go to a restaurant or a coffee shop together just to have quality talk, enjoy your moments together, and get to know more about each other. Anything. Do something together. For some people, this is the most lovely experience to do.


Physical Touch
"To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch."

First of all, this is not about sex. Like other love languages, physical touch is applicable to everyone, including your family and friends. There are many ways to express your love in this language. You can hug them. You can kiss them. You can wipe away their tears with your hand when they cry. Of course you have to do it in appropriate manner. When you don't do it appropriately, people will feel unappreciated instead of feeling loved. Sometimes, I think like this: if people with this love language get angry with you, you can just give him/her a kiss or hug, and it will the person's heart and change his/her mind. Not that hard. For these people, a kiss or a hug can work better than gifts, sweet words, or any action you have to do.


That's all the five love languages I can share with you!

Generally, after I told people about these love languages, they asked me, "This love language.. This is about how we love others or how we want to be loved by others?" Well, let me answer this. The author, Gary Chapman, focuses more on the first one - how we love others. But I think we all treat others the way we want to be treated, right? So I guess it works both ways. For example, my love language is receiving gifts. Because I love to receive gifts and I'm always happy when I receive gifts, I use gifts as an indicator of love. That's why instead of just receiving gifts, I love to give too! I imagine the receiver will be as happy as I am when I receive one.

Now, what's your love language? I believe you can tell yours! Find the love language of people around you too! It may be easier to make them feel loved after you know it.

The best way to love is not to show how much you love the person, but to know how the person feels loved.

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